It was a balmy evening as he looked out over the swimming pool right outside of his rented bungalow. He’s been on a business trip for a large retail manufacturer trying his best to round up new sales. He’s been gone from home now for about three weeks and feeling quite lonely for the warmth of his wife of fifteen years. Still, the road can be a lonesome place and a man’s mind can start to dwell on things he should not be thinking of.
Like an answer to a prayer, she walked up to the edge of the pool and looked around to see if anyone was watching. When she felt that the course was cleared, she dropped her robe and all of her nakedness came into full view and he was amazed.
As he stiffened like quick drying cement, and all cognitive thought left the cranium to the lesser, yet more powerful dictator between his legs, the only thought that matter at the moment was – “I have to have her!” He left his overlook and proceeded down to the pool. There he made his presence known and reassured her that everything was quite all right; it was only them that were there. He then helped her back into her robe and asked if she would like to go back to his rented room for some refreshments. She hesitatingly accepted his offer and soon found herself becoming quite warm to his approach. It was then that he proceeded to seduce her. No names were exchanged so the mystery helped fuel the lust.
In the morning, he got up, packed and left for home; thinking no one of importance would know about this pleasurable jaunt he had with the naked mystery visitor he met at poolside the previous night.
Ten months later, he received a summons saying he was being sued for child support for the little escapade that happened that night. And now his wife, contemplating divorce, wants to know the whole story, His explanation – “I’m just a man”
Sin for a season.
Forgiveness is offered, but why can’t he still look at his wife after all of these months? Why does his words have such a hollow ring to them whenever he speaks of matters of the heart?
When he left for the business trip, he was self-assured, confident, and intellectually strong. After that fateful night, he was less sure of himself, made poor judgments, which led to his dismissal of his employment. The saying “what is done is secret is shouted from the rooftops” has a new ring to it and our friend is left with his shame.
We were in love. I had asked my then girlfriend to marry me and she said yes. Then it started. I moved in a couple of my things and within a matter of a few weeks, I was moved in to her apartment and we were living together. But we were in love. We were also committed Christians sharing a bed. It was a few weeks after this I went to a visit a friend at his work and was greeted by his wife.
She had asked me how we were doing and I told her the usual short answers – good, fine, can’t be better…. And as if she could sense something wasn’t just right, she change her tone and asked, “what’s really going on?” I told her of my new living arrangements and just as her husband, my best friend, the associate pastor of the church I was attending, along with the senior pastor, she questioned my statement in a loud whisper – “YOU”RE LIVING TOGETHER?”
Remember “things done in secret?” well; let me tell you, that church courtyard was my rooftop.
What could I say but that I’m only human. Everyone else was doing it also. You know, it didn’t sound good then and saying it now after all these years, it still doesn’t sound good. I had no other reason other than I was human and in love. At least I didn’t leave my Judy or use the proposal to get what I wanted and then leave her in shame; I loved her and we were going to get married and we did. But I can’t help to think of things that might have been loss in those days of indiscretion.
God is not to be mocked; for our actions have consequences. And what is done in the heat of the moment often leads to destruction down the road whether it’ll be a reminder that we’re nothing than dust in the wind to total destruction of one’s life altogether – loss of fortune, home, family, even life itself. With forgiveness from God, we given a clean slate. The object is not to rush out and try to dirty it up again….it well overtime, but let’s not hurry it along with stupidity and contempt for His mercy and grace.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
After The Thrill Is Gone (for men only, but women can read also)
Music played a big part of my teen years. My favorite group of all time was the Eagles. Being a teen of the seventies, it was their music that saw me through many a good time, and helped me over some rough spots. On their "One of These Nights" album, there's a song entitled, "After the Thrill is Gone." The song is about a relationship that has had the flaming embers of passion quenched. The only thing left is ashes.
This song at its core, is sad. It raises an important question though: What keeps the flame of love burning? On June thirteenth of 2001, my parents celebrated fifty years of marriage. (In total, they were married for fifty-three years when Dad died in November 2004.) If I were able to ask them their key to a successful marriage, I think it would be that they still care for each other deeply. They actually enjoy each other's company, and they tend to each other's heart.
Meet Tom. Tom just got a brand new 2001 Ford Mustang. The body is pale yellow with a white convertible top. The interior is white leather and black carpeting. Underneath the hood is a 5.0 Cobra engine that will go 0-60 in 6 seconds. It's got a Blau Punk stereo system, with a 6-cd disc changer. He's had it for nearly six months now. Every weekend he's out there with the turtle wax and buffer, putting layer on layer on layer. Yep, his car looks real pretty.
Let's fast-forward two years. The car still looks good, the interior is just as clean. But one day, Tom goes out for a drive. It's a hot day. Tom takes this long, curving mountain road that has a seven percent grade. Tom notices that his temperature gauge is getting into the dangerous zone, but does nothing to cool it down, like pulling over and letting the car rest for a while. He does notice that the oil light is on, in fact it has been on for a while, but again, he doesn't do anything to relieve the problem. You see, like most men, Tom is task oriented. But Tom is not mechanically inclined. The inevitable happens, and Tom's precious Mustang that has hundreds of layers of turtle wax on it, blows a head gasket, and the engine freezes.
two things went wrong here. 1, Tom never had his car in for service. He doesn't know a dipstick from a twig, let alone how to read one and 2, he did check about his radiator once and someone told him that it was a closed system, which meant that you didn't have to add coolant to it. When he finally had it towed to the shop for repairs, he was told that the radiator was completely dry. The oil pan, when it was dropped, showed that the oil that was left was baked on, and that the main bearings had seized. So now Tom is the proud owner of a two - ton, wax coated, pale yellow, white over black interior, metal rock...with a great sound system!
The picture is obvious. He was careless with the maintenance of the engine. He was too wrapped up in the appearance of the car. He figured that the engine would take care of itself. In fact, if he would have spent more time pampering the insides of the engine instead of putting wax on it, the car would have taken him wherever he wanted to go.
Our marriages, men, for the most part, are like cars; we are driven by sights. We like frilly things. When we were in our courting days with our prospective wives, we would say, do, and buy anything to keep the romance alive. In fact, in the first few weeks of marriage, if we're honest, we lived on nothing but romance, bringing home flowers or frilly nightgowns; telling her how special she was and how pretty she was. We said and did all the right things. While we were home with our new wives, we treated them like a brand new car.
Then something strange happens. The frilly things stop coming. One by one, the compliments stop. Then, three or four years later, everything else stops. There is no more romance, no more conversation, no more passion, no nothing. Like our friend's car, our marriage has just frozen up. Now, all that's left is two people barely existing.
It doesn't have to be this way, guys. If we spent time and effort taking care of the girlfriend who would eventually become the future Mrs., then isn't it worth the effort now to still tend to her needs? After all, she is still the same woman you married, perhaps a few pounds heavier now. But haven't you changed too? She is still the same girl whose ear you whispered into. She still needs to hear these words, because they are the first words that were planted to sow the seeds of love in her. They are precious to her. I understand it's hard to say certain words, especially out in public, but to quote Garth Brooks, "somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear,' I love you'," whether it's bringing home a rose for her unexpectedly, or flowers sent to her work with a note that says, "meet me at....."
If Christ is our example on how to demonstrate love through sacrifice, then surely, we can sacrifice our pride to show the one who sleeps next to us how much we love them. As hard as it might be for some of my brothers to do, we, as men, need to tend to our wives, like we tend to our cars.
Like a car, if a marriage is broke, it still can be mended. Heck, even an old jalopy can be restored to its original luster and purr like a contented kitten when turned on. If the one who you share life with has lost her luster, then put a shine to her and make her glisten. And every so often, take her out and show her off. And while you’re out showing her off, make men envious of what you have and be proud of whom she is; your wife.
A marriage may look good on the outside, but if it's not maintained, it will die, just like a car without water or oil. For our marriages to last a lifetime, we must maintain them.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Color Of The Sky
I have a friend who recently made this statement about me in an email –
“I really don't know what world you're living in sometimes, my brother”
Sometimes I wonder too. Heck, I sometimes even feel like the line from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, -
“I’m making this up as I go along.”
Classic.
I think a lot of us maybe living life that way, making it up as we go along.
So what is the color of the sky in my world? The usual, just like everyone else’s – chartreuse.
All kidding aside, the comment that was made about my world was in response to a criticism I made about a sermon my friend preached saying that the United States has failed to live up to Dr. Martin Luther King’s ideals. The reason for my criticism and for the subsequent remark made by him was I don’t see the world that my friend sees.
Because of certain events that have happened in my life, it would be easy for me to live in a world that is run by bigoted views and where ignorance is king. If I would let these events dictate to me that certain groups of the human race are deceitful and indecent, then I best go off and live in a cave and say “to hell with the rest of the world.” In other words, become a hermit. On the other hand, I realize that some choose to live life that is narrowed by color of skin. Which is sad. Some will no doubt say that they are entitled to believe this for things that has happen to them whether it’ll be out of paranoia or ignorance or any other suspicious thought. So to make them feel safe, they have labeled any ethnic group other than their own as lesser human beings. Nevertheless, I can’t live like that.
I’m trying to live my life by three principles: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, love your neighbor as yourself, and treat others better than yourself.
Some will say that is very naïve. Others might think I’m some kind of patsy to be taken advantage of. But the truth of the matter is the whole concept of “racism” doesn’t really mean anything to me other than words on a page. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, it does. But if I am living with a philosophy that puts the concept of “God first in my life”, then the only life that matters are the lives that the Lord puts in front of me daily; regardless of skin color, regardless of culture, regardless of anything else that others may see as inferior. It just might be that the person in front of me may need to hear the gospel, may need to hear encouragement, may need a friend, may need to be loved, may need to hear a kind word on a particular rough day, or may be there to help me with a problem. There are numerous reasons why the Lord may lead two people together and any given day. A side thought – think of the blessings that we’ll be missing if we limit ourselves to just the same color people we are.
If we take God at His word, that He created everything, then out of respect for His creation, I must look on it with humility and if that creation is part of the human race, and it is, then that person has the same amount of respect as I have in the eyes of the Lord, so who am I to deem them as a lesser creature?
Last year (2006) was a very bad year for my health. I had a total of five hospital stays. The medical staff that took care of me ran the gambit of different races and cultures and religions. If I was a bigot, how could I allow these people to handle me? I mean there’s some kind of intimacy going on when you’re naked and being prodded. And I might add, when you’re all alone in the wee hours of the morning and the drugs are causing your mind to do strange things, it’s nice to know that you have a person, regardless of color, you can call that is there to reassure you that it is the drugs and nothing more.
The bottom line to all of this is we are at a point in the history of America where even if there are pockets of ignorance and plain stupidity, there are areas that character, not color of skin, matters. My job then is to treat all with respect for they are my brother or sister.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Mom, Is There A Communist Under My Bed?
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but who ever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Proverbs 29:25
September 1970.
Bedtime was at nine o'clock. The school year just started and after dealing with homework for most of the evening, I wasn't really ready for bed.
My older brother and I shared a room. His bedtime was a half hour later. Most of the time I was still awake when he would come to bed. This night was no different from the rest, except that there was a question that was bugging the daylights out of me. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep. I thought I would ask Steve if he knew what the answer was. After all, he was a lot smarter than me, because he kept reminding me of it all the time, and he is three and half years older than me, so he had to know the answer.
Big brothers are often times the tormentors of little brothers. Mine was no different. Only this night he wasn't a tormentor because he really wanted to help me. But his response to my question, well meaning as it was, shook me to my core. I’d soon find out that the imagination could create some pretty mean monsters if we let it.
So I asked him the question.
"Steve, what is a c-o-m-m-u-n-i-s-t?" I wanted to be sure I was saying it right. I thought it was a dirty word, because the context I heard the word in was always in a form of disgust.
"It's a type of government that is opposed to our government. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I just heard the word and wondered what it meant."
He could have stopped there, and I would have been happy with that, but he didn't. He continued, "It's an oppressive government that wants to rule the world. I forgot who the president was, but he told a group of reporters that if we weren't careful, they would take over our country by 1971. When they take over a country, they get all the people together and brain wash them. It's called Reprogramming." (I later found out that it wasn’t a president that made the quote, but a senator from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy.)
Thus began a nightmare that lasted a good two weeks till mom told me differently.
I don't remember sleeping too much that night knowing that my brother, MY-KNOW-IT-ALL BROTHER, had just dropped a bomb in my little psyche that basically said, "Our lives will be over in a short three months."
For the next two weeks I carried this around with me. Everywhere I turned, everything I heard, reminded me of what my brother told me on that particular night. For example: Television, my sanctuary didn't help at all. One of the television stations ran the movie, "Fahrenheit 451". It was a movie that dealt with a futuristic society that banned all types of reading and forced everyone to be equal. Then, there was another movie that told about when the Russians invaded Yugoslavia. The Russian army would go into the houses, drag out the men folk and shoot them in front of their women. Then with the war going on Viet Nam, I was growing more anxious with each passing day. It reminded me of a man needing to drain his bladder with no bathroom around and the only thing he sees or hears is water.
The next week, the pictures in my mind grew more vivid. I couldn't help but think of what it was going to be like to lose all of the freedoms we as a nation were blessed with. But what was more nerve racking was the thought that I would be losing my own life because of what I stood for. "Surely, they won't kill me? I'm just ten years old," I thought. "Maybe they would spare me and my family? Maybe we would just be reprogrammed? But I would lose Nan, Pa, Mom, Dad, Sharon and Steve." Well, Steven I wasn't to concern with, after all, he started this whole MESS! I didn't want to make that sacrifice. Maybe it would have been better off if they killed all of us because when my generation got old enough, we would surely try to do something about our captivity.
The anxiety kept growing. I couldn't control it much longer. I had to talk to someone about it. So I talked to Mom.
"Mom? Are the communists going to take over our country?"
"Who told you that?"
"Steven."
Deep sigh from Mom.
Now came the reassuring answer that would calm my aching mind. "No. Not as long as our boys are defending our freedoms." Momma always said the right thing at the right time.
Growing up, the communists were the enemy. They were faceless shadows that were meant to strike fear in the land of living by taking away our freedoms. It was my home, our home that they were out to ravage. Even now, if someone says he is a communist, I am on guard. Old fears never quite die out. Now, there is a new enemy of my adulthood that is a faceless shadow, who wants to bring down America, our home, simply because we are a considered an enemy of Allah. At least with the old Soviet Union we were the obstacles to their trek to world domination. Now, it seems, we are considered to be evil incarnate and must be removed from the face of the earth.
At a another time in history, when another mad man wanted the world to bow to him and his philosophy, back during the early days of World War II, Winston Churchill spoke to a group at Harrow's Boy School about the times they as a nation were facing. The Germans were bombing London day and night. I'm sure that the country of England was facing the same type of fear that we were on September 11 and the days after. Going over that speech, I can see why they called Churchill a Bulldog. His tenacity was his strength and he passed it to his nation. In the speech he was able to calm a nation's fears as well as those there in attendance by saying:
"...You cannot tell from appearances how things will go. Sometimes imagination makes things out far worse than they are; yet without imagination not much can be done. Those people who are imaginative see many more dangers than perhaps exist; certainly many more than will happen; but then they must also pray to be given that extra courage to carry this far-reaching imagination. But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period - I am addressing myself to the School - surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy...."
When we call upon the Lord in times of strife it is His strength that gives us comfort. We praise the Father in the good times because it makes the victory that much sweeter. We praise the Lord for the leaders in our nation for we know that they are leaning on God for understanding and patience. Praise God for the strength He has given us to overcome our fears and Praise God that He has not left us when we need Him the most.
Praise God! Praise God that we live in times like this! What an exciting time to be alive and seeing history in the making. To see God's hand at work, and to see ordinary people do extraordinary acts of courage.
Although these times are scary and our imaginations can run amuck, these are good times as well. We need to gain strength from our God for the answers that calm all our fears. God can take our overworked imaginations, if we'll let Him, slow them down to a more sensible speed and allow sensible ideas to float to the surface of our worried minds.
It wasn't till I told my mother what was worrying me that I was able to overcome the fear of losing everything that I loved. When fears and imagination get the better part of us, do not run from fear but embrace it with the Lord's arms; for it is only then that we can overcome it.
Proverbs 29:25
September 1970.
Bedtime was at nine o'clock. The school year just started and after dealing with homework for most of the evening, I wasn't really ready for bed.
My older brother and I shared a room. His bedtime was a half hour later. Most of the time I was still awake when he would come to bed. This night was no different from the rest, except that there was a question that was bugging the daylights out of me. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep. I thought I would ask Steve if he knew what the answer was. After all, he was a lot smarter than me, because he kept reminding me of it all the time, and he is three and half years older than me, so he had to know the answer.
Big brothers are often times the tormentors of little brothers. Mine was no different. Only this night he wasn't a tormentor because he really wanted to help me. But his response to my question, well meaning as it was, shook me to my core. I’d soon find out that the imagination could create some pretty mean monsters if we let it.
So I asked him the question.
"Steve, what is a c-o-m-m-u-n-i-s-t?" I wanted to be sure I was saying it right. I thought it was a dirty word, because the context I heard the word in was always in a form of disgust.
"It's a type of government that is opposed to our government. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I just heard the word and wondered what it meant."
He could have stopped there, and I would have been happy with that, but he didn't. He continued, "It's an oppressive government that wants to rule the world. I forgot who the president was, but he told a group of reporters that if we weren't careful, they would take over our country by 1971. When they take over a country, they get all the people together and brain wash them. It's called Reprogramming." (I later found out that it wasn’t a president that made the quote, but a senator from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy.)
Thus began a nightmare that lasted a good two weeks till mom told me differently.
I don't remember sleeping too much that night knowing that my brother, MY-KNOW-IT-ALL BROTHER, had just dropped a bomb in my little psyche that basically said, "Our lives will be over in a short three months."
For the next two weeks I carried this around with me. Everywhere I turned, everything I heard, reminded me of what my brother told me on that particular night. For example: Television, my sanctuary didn't help at all. One of the television stations ran the movie, "Fahrenheit 451". It was a movie that dealt with a futuristic society that banned all types of reading and forced everyone to be equal. Then, there was another movie that told about when the Russians invaded Yugoslavia. The Russian army would go into the houses, drag out the men folk and shoot them in front of their women. Then with the war going on Viet Nam, I was growing more anxious with each passing day. It reminded me of a man needing to drain his bladder with no bathroom around and the only thing he sees or hears is water.
The next week, the pictures in my mind grew more vivid. I couldn't help but think of what it was going to be like to lose all of the freedoms we as a nation were blessed with. But what was more nerve racking was the thought that I would be losing my own life because of what I stood for. "Surely, they won't kill me? I'm just ten years old," I thought. "Maybe they would spare me and my family? Maybe we would just be reprogrammed? But I would lose Nan, Pa, Mom, Dad, Sharon and Steve." Well, Steven I wasn't to concern with, after all, he started this whole MESS! I didn't want to make that sacrifice. Maybe it would have been better off if they killed all of us because when my generation got old enough, we would surely try to do something about our captivity.
The anxiety kept growing. I couldn't control it much longer. I had to talk to someone about it. So I talked to Mom.
"Mom? Are the communists going to take over our country?"
"Who told you that?"
"Steven."
Deep sigh from Mom.
Now came the reassuring answer that would calm my aching mind. "No. Not as long as our boys are defending our freedoms." Momma always said the right thing at the right time.
Growing up, the communists were the enemy. They were faceless shadows that were meant to strike fear in the land of living by taking away our freedoms. It was my home, our home that they were out to ravage. Even now, if someone says he is a communist, I am on guard. Old fears never quite die out. Now, there is a new enemy of my adulthood that is a faceless shadow, who wants to bring down America, our home, simply because we are a considered an enemy of Allah. At least with the old Soviet Union we were the obstacles to their trek to world domination. Now, it seems, we are considered to be evil incarnate and must be removed from the face of the earth.
At a another time in history, when another mad man wanted the world to bow to him and his philosophy, back during the early days of World War II, Winston Churchill spoke to a group at Harrow's Boy School about the times they as a nation were facing. The Germans were bombing London day and night. I'm sure that the country of England was facing the same type of fear that we were on September 11 and the days after. Going over that speech, I can see why they called Churchill a Bulldog. His tenacity was his strength and he passed it to his nation. In the speech he was able to calm a nation's fears as well as those there in attendance by saying:
"...You cannot tell from appearances how things will go. Sometimes imagination makes things out far worse than they are; yet without imagination not much can be done. Those people who are imaginative see many more dangers than perhaps exist; certainly many more than will happen; but then they must also pray to be given that extra courage to carry this far-reaching imagination. But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period - I am addressing myself to the School - surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy...."
When we call upon the Lord in times of strife it is His strength that gives us comfort. We praise the Father in the good times because it makes the victory that much sweeter. We praise the Lord for the leaders in our nation for we know that they are leaning on God for understanding and patience. Praise God for the strength He has given us to overcome our fears and Praise God that He has not left us when we need Him the most.
Praise God! Praise God that we live in times like this! What an exciting time to be alive and seeing history in the making. To see God's hand at work, and to see ordinary people do extraordinary acts of courage.
Although these times are scary and our imaginations can run amuck, these are good times as well. We need to gain strength from our God for the answers that calm all our fears. God can take our overworked imaginations, if we'll let Him, slow them down to a more sensible speed and allow sensible ideas to float to the surface of our worried minds.
It wasn't till I told my mother what was worrying me that I was able to overcome the fear of losing everything that I loved. When fears and imagination get the better part of us, do not run from fear but embrace it with the Lord's arms; for it is only then that we can overcome it.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Alas, I Will Praise Him
In the Psalms, we are told to - “let every thing that has breath, praise the Lord”. This is quite easy to do when the road of life is easy and the burden of being is light as a feather upon our back. But how can praises ring forth from your lips when the God whom demands such praises has ripped your heart out of your chest and put it through an emotional meat grinder? Alas, I will praise Him…for it’s the only right thing to do.
We’ve been trying for what seem like years to have a baby the good old fashion way, (after all practice makes perfect as they say, whoever the “they” are.) But after months of planting seed in what seemed to be a very fertile valley, none was taking root. We decided to get physicals and see what might be the matter. Judy, my lovely wife, checked out well and was in perfect health. And with all of my health related issues, I, too, checked out well. With one exception: the medicine I was taking for my Crohn’s disease was affecting the sperm count and movement. I was told that the medicine was making me sterile, but not to give up hope that there were alternative drugs I could be taking. A change in meds was ordered and three months later another sperm count was needed to see if there was any improvements. The seminal analysis showed that the count was vastly improved and there was movement but it wasn’t the movement the doctor had hope for; tail chasing with little forward movement.
I know that a man’s out look on life depends heavily on what he is made of, for it is the fuel that drives his veracity for life and his passions as well. And the baggage compartment between his legs, which God gave him at birth, controls it all. So when I was told that my soldiers were having problems marching into battle – having directional problems finding the object of the goal - I was a little more than depressed. At thirty-seven years of age, I was told that the possibility of siring a child was slim at best. I was still told to keep trying because even though I was still young, there was still a slight possibility that I could get my wife pregnant with the sperm that I had. But while the act of procreating is still the best way to get one’s spouse in the family way, the very act took on the feeling of a chore that has to be done in order to…well, let’s just say I was starting to miss the pleasure of my wife’s company and I was growing tired of “punching” a time clock.
Meanwhile, Judy had a friend whose underage granddaughter was pregnant and was told by her father to give it up for adoption. We were approached to be the adoptive parents and we readily agreed. But after a short period of time, the young girl decided to keep the baby.
A change in jobs for me and with a new home to live in along with a new town to reside in, we got back into the practice of bringing forth life in more ways than one; we were now parents to two cats.
The same friend approached us and the granddaughter was again pregnant and this time she really wanted to give up the child for adoption. We agreed to it and when we hadn’t heard from her in six weeks time, we knew she changed her mind again as it was confirmed by the friend. We also became friends with a couple who lived in a nearby town during this time. The wife told Judy of a cousin of hers that was incarcerated and was pregnant. However, due to the crime that she was in prison for, changes were the courts won’t let her keep the baby. We were asked to be the adoptive parents.
Having been down this road before without any real thought to prayer for the decision to add on to the family, Judy and I thought it best if we consult God for this resolution in our lives. We went into prayer and heard “take the child”. We agreed to be the child adoptive parents. We had two months to prepare our house for the coming child and in July of 02, I received a phone call from the hospital in Madera, California, saying our son was born the previous night.
When we got him home and settled in, I went back to work, passed out chocolate bars (don’t like cigars nor do I smoke) and started to enjoy the life of being a Dad to two sons, (we started the adoption paper work for one son, the other son is Judy’s and I will further explain his affect on me at the end of this article). Towards the end of that first week, I called home to see how Judy and the boys were doing and that’s when she told me that the mother changed her mind. It was if some one plunged a knife into our heart and cut out all the life in us. To say we were numbed was an understatement. A person polluted with alcohol over a lifetime is numbed compared to what Judy, Jared and I went through that night. All the plans and hopes we had for this son will have to be for another family, not ours.
How do you cry when the pain is so deep that there are no tears? How do you pray when there are no words to pray for? How do you control a rage that wants to trample over you lives like a bull seeing red? In a phrase -
Praise God!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow –
Praise Him all creatures here below
I will praise God! I will praise Him with my very being, for it is the only thing that makes sense during harshness of life. It gives us a glimpse of His perspective on our lives and most importantly, it draws us closer to Him, where healing can take place and maturity fosters. I can’t be angry with God for someone not being in obedience of His will; that is one thing He will not interfere with unless asked to do so by the person. All I know is that we were in obedience. And all things work for a purpose, especially if God has His hand in it; the boy ended up in a good family and is being raised in a Godly manner. And that’s what really counts here.
As for my fertility issues, some will say that I have a right to be angry with God for giving me a flawed system – in other words, I got cheated. To that I say, “No, I didn’t” for the blessings He has given me over the span of my life - a God fearing woman who loves me with everything possible to love a man with and a son. Even though he does not have one ounce of my blood in him nor does he share my name, Jared is still my son. Because I have seen him grow from small boy to man and have experienced him every day since February 26, 1990. That was the day I entered he and his mother lives on a permanent basis.
I will never quite know all the reasons why God allows things to happen the way they do, it’s still a mystery. As I said before, “Alas, I will praise Him” for it’s the only thing to do.
We’ve been trying for what seem like years to have a baby the good old fashion way, (after all practice makes perfect as they say, whoever the “they” are.) But after months of planting seed in what seemed to be a very fertile valley, none was taking root. We decided to get physicals and see what might be the matter. Judy, my lovely wife, checked out well and was in perfect health. And with all of my health related issues, I, too, checked out well. With one exception: the medicine I was taking for my Crohn’s disease was affecting the sperm count and movement. I was told that the medicine was making me sterile, but not to give up hope that there were alternative drugs I could be taking. A change in meds was ordered and three months later another sperm count was needed to see if there was any improvements. The seminal analysis showed that the count was vastly improved and there was movement but it wasn’t the movement the doctor had hope for; tail chasing with little forward movement.
I know that a man’s out look on life depends heavily on what he is made of, for it is the fuel that drives his veracity for life and his passions as well. And the baggage compartment between his legs, which God gave him at birth, controls it all. So when I was told that my soldiers were having problems marching into battle – having directional problems finding the object of the goal - I was a little more than depressed. At thirty-seven years of age, I was told that the possibility of siring a child was slim at best. I was still told to keep trying because even though I was still young, there was still a slight possibility that I could get my wife pregnant with the sperm that I had. But while the act of procreating is still the best way to get one’s spouse in the family way, the very act took on the feeling of a chore that has to be done in order to…well, let’s just say I was starting to miss the pleasure of my wife’s company and I was growing tired of “punching” a time clock.
Meanwhile, Judy had a friend whose underage granddaughter was pregnant and was told by her father to give it up for adoption. We were approached to be the adoptive parents and we readily agreed. But after a short period of time, the young girl decided to keep the baby.
A change in jobs for me and with a new home to live in along with a new town to reside in, we got back into the practice of bringing forth life in more ways than one; we were now parents to two cats.
The same friend approached us and the granddaughter was again pregnant and this time she really wanted to give up the child for adoption. We agreed to it and when we hadn’t heard from her in six weeks time, we knew she changed her mind again as it was confirmed by the friend. We also became friends with a couple who lived in a nearby town during this time. The wife told Judy of a cousin of hers that was incarcerated and was pregnant. However, due to the crime that she was in prison for, changes were the courts won’t let her keep the baby. We were asked to be the adoptive parents.
Having been down this road before without any real thought to prayer for the decision to add on to the family, Judy and I thought it best if we consult God for this resolution in our lives. We went into prayer and heard “take the child”. We agreed to be the child adoptive parents. We had two months to prepare our house for the coming child and in July of 02, I received a phone call from the hospital in Madera, California, saying our son was born the previous night.
When we got him home and settled in, I went back to work, passed out chocolate bars (don’t like cigars nor do I smoke) and started to enjoy the life of being a Dad to two sons, (we started the adoption paper work for one son, the other son is Judy’s and I will further explain his affect on me at the end of this article). Towards the end of that first week, I called home to see how Judy and the boys were doing and that’s when she told me that the mother changed her mind. It was if some one plunged a knife into our heart and cut out all the life in us. To say we were numbed was an understatement. A person polluted with alcohol over a lifetime is numbed compared to what Judy, Jared and I went through that night. All the plans and hopes we had for this son will have to be for another family, not ours.
How do you cry when the pain is so deep that there are no tears? How do you pray when there are no words to pray for? How do you control a rage that wants to trample over you lives like a bull seeing red? In a phrase -
Praise God!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow –
Praise Him all creatures here below
I will praise God! I will praise Him with my very being, for it is the only thing that makes sense during harshness of life. It gives us a glimpse of His perspective on our lives and most importantly, it draws us closer to Him, where healing can take place and maturity fosters. I can’t be angry with God for someone not being in obedience of His will; that is one thing He will not interfere with unless asked to do so by the person. All I know is that we were in obedience. And all things work for a purpose, especially if God has His hand in it; the boy ended up in a good family and is being raised in a Godly manner. And that’s what really counts here.
As for my fertility issues, some will say that I have a right to be angry with God for giving me a flawed system – in other words, I got cheated. To that I say, “No, I didn’t” for the blessings He has given me over the span of my life - a God fearing woman who loves me with everything possible to love a man with and a son. Even though he does not have one ounce of my blood in him nor does he share my name, Jared is still my son. Because I have seen him grow from small boy to man and have experienced him every day since February 26, 1990. That was the day I entered he and his mother lives on a permanent basis.
I will never quite know all the reasons why God allows things to happen the way they do, it’s still a mystery. As I said before, “Alas, I will praise Him” for it’s the only thing to do.
Friday, April 2, 2010
A Sad Day?
Father,
On this sad day in the history of the world, when two thousands years ago a truly innocent man was put to death, we take great joy in knowing of the anticipation of what will follow in a matter of three days.
Just like Abraham took his son Isaac to the mountain to act on faith in you, you provided an escape; a sacrifice was given and a son saved. You are forever true to your word, and that is the hope we must have in you that you will always be faithful to your word.
For what is impossible for man to do, you did by taking on the form of a man, giving up your glory for the incarnation and becoming a servant and by being obedient even to the point of death. However, the story doesn’t end there with the stone in place and the earth covered in clouds. I might add, dark sobbing clouds as though all of Heaven was crying - it was. This day in history should always live in infamy not for the sadness it brings, but for the hope that it brings.
This day was once to be thought of a great victory for the father of all lies, but God has turn the tables on the evil one and now this day has become a thorn in his side. God may have stubbed His toe on you satan, but in the end, it is your head that got pummeled.
I have heard it said that authors write what could be, artists paint visions of what might be, but you O Blessed One - you bring life to all. After all, your greatest work was done, through the frailty of your son, (to quote Michael Card).
Reconciliation has taken place. No longer do we have to go through the ceremonial killing of innocent animals for the purging of our sins. We can walk into the throne room of Love, humbly, and say – “Daddy, I fell down” and You are ever quick to come and pick us up in His arms as only a Father can do.
Death where is your sting? Grave where is your victory? The Lord of All, The Lord of the Living has beaten you!
Liberation has come to all the people of God; freedom from the tyranny of sin and freedom from the oppressions of the lives that we once held. There should be dancing in the streets, singing from the rooftops, loud hosannas from the mountaintops, a shout of praises in the valleys – OUR GOD RIEGNS! OUR GOD REIGNS!
The proclamation made so many years ago, has come true – I know there is a redeemer and I will see Him stand on this earth.
There is forgiveness in you O Great Jehovah, your mercy and grace announces your very presence. Rain down on your children O Ancient Of Days with unending love and shower us with blessings so that others may be blessed
Amen
On this sad day in the history of the world, when two thousands years ago a truly innocent man was put to death, we take great joy in knowing of the anticipation of what will follow in a matter of three days.
Just like Abraham took his son Isaac to the mountain to act on faith in you, you provided an escape; a sacrifice was given and a son saved. You are forever true to your word, and that is the hope we must have in you that you will always be faithful to your word.
For what is impossible for man to do, you did by taking on the form of a man, giving up your glory for the incarnation and becoming a servant and by being obedient even to the point of death. However, the story doesn’t end there with the stone in place and the earth covered in clouds. I might add, dark sobbing clouds as though all of Heaven was crying - it was. This day in history should always live in infamy not for the sadness it brings, but for the hope that it brings.
This day was once to be thought of a great victory for the father of all lies, but God has turn the tables on the evil one and now this day has become a thorn in his side. God may have stubbed His toe on you satan, but in the end, it is your head that got pummeled.
I have heard it said that authors write what could be, artists paint visions of what might be, but you O Blessed One - you bring life to all. After all, your greatest work was done, through the frailty of your son, (to quote Michael Card).
Reconciliation has taken place. No longer do we have to go through the ceremonial killing of innocent animals for the purging of our sins. We can walk into the throne room of Love, humbly, and say – “Daddy, I fell down” and You are ever quick to come and pick us up in His arms as only a Father can do.
Death where is your sting? Grave where is your victory? The Lord of All, The Lord of the Living has beaten you!
Liberation has come to all the people of God; freedom from the tyranny of sin and freedom from the oppressions of the lives that we once held. There should be dancing in the streets, singing from the rooftops, loud hosannas from the mountaintops, a shout of praises in the valleys – OUR GOD RIEGNS! OUR GOD REIGNS!
The proclamation made so many years ago, has come true – I know there is a redeemer and I will see Him stand on this earth.
There is forgiveness in you O Great Jehovah, your mercy and grace announces your very presence. Rain down on your children O Ancient Of Days with unending love and shower us with blessings so that others may be blessed
Amen
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)