Embers from a flame of long ago –
A slight breeze causes them to glow
With no water to be found
A forest fire starts to grow
Out of control, consuming everything in its wake
It has no conscience, no prisoners it takes
No purpose or intent it has; for reaction it‘s guide
A whiff teases the flames, piquing them
Soulless, it shows no mercy
Leaving blacken devastation in the aftermath
Anger may bring about change, but rage destroys
Fever can burn out infection, but a high one can kill
Rage sees only black and white
Pity the one who calls it friend
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
At The Threshold
Every time I go see my nephrologist, it’s always been the same – “your kidney function is normal, at least what is normal for your kidneys, see you in three months.” (For those of you who live in Rubidoux, a nephrologist is one who studies the function of the kidneys. To be specific, nephrons, which are the main component of filtration in the kidneys) Yesterday was no different than what it has been the previous visits; my kidney function was normal for what normal is for them. Except, the doctor added this statement towards the end of our visit, “have we ever talked what you want to do when the time comes for you to go on dialysis?”
Over the last nine years, I have had many a hospital stay either from the kidneys or Crohn’s or a combination of both. And every time that dialysis was mentioned as a possibility, the kidney start to function again (as if they would hear what would happen to them if they didn’t) and I would dodge a bullet.
When he came into the examination room, he wasn’t his jovial self. And I hope I’m not reading something into something that has nothing to do with my case. But in the past, he’s always been very friendly when entering the room, almost like saying, “I’m really glad to see you”. However, yesterday, there was a look of concern on his face. Like I said, I’m hoping that I’m not reading something that isn’t there, because in the last nine years, I have learned to trust this doctor’s decisions. He’s a well-educated man and a doctor with a very kind bedside manner. Last year when I was in the hospital for what the doctors thought was a heart attack and the tests they ran confirmed it, the cardiologist on the case wanted to perform an angiogram to see what damage to the heart occurred, (this can be detrimental to kidneys because iodine is used, which is extremely dangerous to kidneys in poor health it if stays in them too long) it was my nephrologist who cut through all of the medical twaddle and simply said, “you can live without your kidneys, you can’t live without a heart.”
I heard the words of a brother, but I also heard the words of my father, too. I have taken a vested interest in what this man has to say; he’s earned that right.
When he asked me if we had talked about what I wanted, when the time comes, something strange set in. It wasn’t fear as in there’s a ghost in the next room, so I better avoid that room. But maybe something closer to dread. Like I need to go into my garage and clean it up (you should see my garage, then you’ll understand) Understandably that by going on dialysis is not a death sentence in and of itself, it just that the two men I admire most, my grandfather and father, were on dialysis for about three to five years and succumb to death. The concern is that as I’m on the threshold of fifty years young, will I be around to see sixty or beyond that?
The good news is that things have change in the last four years for people with kidney disease and kidney failure. And I’m still considered to be young enough for a kidney transplant. So even if I might be on the threshold of dialysis, I’m not on the threshold of death.
Another thing to add to the mix is that after consulting with some people that I know that have survive various forms of cancer, the key to their survival was a positive look on life; we’re going to beat this. Now I realize that cancer and kidney failure is two different things, but an attitude, and a positive one at that, carries a long way. So when the time comes, the things I will keep close to me to encourage me, is a bright outlook, love of my family, and most importantly, holding the hand of the Master in the darkest hour.
Over the last nine years, I have had many a hospital stay either from the kidneys or Crohn’s or a combination of both. And every time that dialysis was mentioned as a possibility, the kidney start to function again (as if they would hear what would happen to them if they didn’t) and I would dodge a bullet.
When he came into the examination room, he wasn’t his jovial self. And I hope I’m not reading something into something that has nothing to do with my case. But in the past, he’s always been very friendly when entering the room, almost like saying, “I’m really glad to see you”. However, yesterday, there was a look of concern on his face. Like I said, I’m hoping that I’m not reading something that isn’t there, because in the last nine years, I have learned to trust this doctor’s decisions. He’s a well-educated man and a doctor with a very kind bedside manner. Last year when I was in the hospital for what the doctors thought was a heart attack and the tests they ran confirmed it, the cardiologist on the case wanted to perform an angiogram to see what damage to the heart occurred, (this can be detrimental to kidneys because iodine is used, which is extremely dangerous to kidneys in poor health it if stays in them too long) it was my nephrologist who cut through all of the medical twaddle and simply said, “you can live without your kidneys, you can’t live without a heart.”
I heard the words of a brother, but I also heard the words of my father, too. I have taken a vested interest in what this man has to say; he’s earned that right.
When he asked me if we had talked about what I wanted, when the time comes, something strange set in. It wasn’t fear as in there’s a ghost in the next room, so I better avoid that room. But maybe something closer to dread. Like I need to go into my garage and clean it up (you should see my garage, then you’ll understand) Understandably that by going on dialysis is not a death sentence in and of itself, it just that the two men I admire most, my grandfather and father, were on dialysis for about three to five years and succumb to death. The concern is that as I’m on the threshold of fifty years young, will I be around to see sixty or beyond that?
The good news is that things have change in the last four years for people with kidney disease and kidney failure. And I’m still considered to be young enough for a kidney transplant. So even if I might be on the threshold of dialysis, I’m not on the threshold of death.
Another thing to add to the mix is that after consulting with some people that I know that have survive various forms of cancer, the key to their survival was a positive look on life; we’re going to beat this. Now I realize that cancer and kidney failure is two different things, but an attitude, and a positive one at that, carries a long way. So when the time comes, the things I will keep close to me to encourage me, is a bright outlook, love of my family, and most importantly, holding the hand of the Master in the darkest hour.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Dad, before you go…
Remember that morning about twenty years ago? I can’t really give an answer to as why I was thinking of that particular morning, but something was stirring in my memory and well, for the events that took place on that morning – I just wanted to say that it was the first time in my adult life that I saw the love you had for me.
Anyway, I had awakened between four and four thirty in the a.m., with a full bladder rapping ever so softly against my abdomen. I went to roll over so I could get out of bed, when I noticed that I had weakness in my legs and upper torso; the reason for this weakness was that my potassium was bottoming out. I’ve been in this situation before. Well, not necessarily having to go the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning, but having low potassium. I needed to come up with a plan, because the more I waited, the tighter my bladder was getting.
I thought I had enough strength to answer the call of the commode but how to get there? The idea that I conjured up was…well, all I can say now is best laid plans of mice and men, but I thought if I could push myself up in a standing position I could manage my way to the bathroom and answer the call so to speak. Then, I could deal with the loss of vital minerals that my body was in dire need of.
On the count of “three”, I was going to rise up and make my move. Suffice to say, on “three”, I fell out of the bed, flat on my face. There I was naked, lying on my belly, full bladder no longer gently rapping on my abdomen, but getting ready to burst forth like a pressurize fire hose, and I couldn’t move. I had to do something.
I was not in the best situations and if nothing would happen in the next few minutes, I would quite literally be in hot water… well, warm water at least and a wet carpet. And I must confess, I have started off on better mornings than this; so has my Dad. So when I shouted for help, it was Dad that saw me first.
“Jamie?” Dad said. “Jamie, are you awake?” I had later found out that Dad thought maybe I had a nightmare and fell out of bed.
“Yeah,” I said somewhat embarrassed by my predicament. “I’m awake.”
“What’s the matter then?”
“My potassium is low and I can’t move.”
By this time, Mom had joined the pre-dawn escapades and asked me - “If you couldn’t move, then why did you get out of bed?”
“I don’t know. I thought I could make it to the bathroom.”
Dad then asked if I could rise up on my fours and he will try to toss me back on the bed. When you’re naked and can’t move, your options quickly become narrowed. He tossed me back into bed like a sack of potatoes. And with a slap on the bare butt, he then pulled the covers back over me and then left me to go get a Mason jar.
Needless to say, I was deeply embarrassed. Men aren’t supposed to look on each other nakedness for the shame it might bring. And being how one may sleep at night, meaning the lack of nightclothes, you still have a blanket to hide your body. But being exposed as I was, Dad, didn’t do anything that would further my shame and humiliation. In fact, he did everything that he could to cover my predicament.
All this being what it is, a naked son calling on his pop for help and the father restoring the son’s self-respect, reminds me of two sons that help save their father’s dignity. In the book “The View From Mount Calvary” by John Phillips, Phillips uses the story found in Genesis 9:23 to demonstrate what actually happened when Christ took on the sins of the world and shame was put on Him.
After Noah had one night of celebrating the harvest of the vineyard, he passed out in his tent in a drunken slumber and during the night, had become uncovered. One of his sons, Ham, looked into his father’s tent and saw his father’s disgrace. The Bible isn’t clear as of what was said to Shem and Japheth, Ham’s brothers, all that is known is that when they were told about their father’s defilement, they took matters into their own hands and saved their father’s modesty. They walked backwards into their father’s tent, not looking upon their father’s nakedness, with robe in hand, and covered his humiliation.
Now, fast-forward a few thousands of years and we see a man who happens to be a son stripped naked, while the accumulative sins of the world are heaped on him. The man happens to be the Son of God and what is taking place is the apex of his life mission – “behold, the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world” (John 1:29). So the problem arises - because God is a holy and just deity, He cannot look upon sin, so how can God, who loves His Son very much, look upon him when the totality of sins that mankind have done and will do are cast on Him?
Jesus is separated from God for the first time in His life (Mathew 27:46, Mark 15:34). It is as if God turns His back to His beloved Son. However, God may show His back towards His Son, but in so doing, He picks up a robe, figuratively speaking, and proceeds to walks backwards towards the cross, not looking upon the sins that are now covering His son, and covers His Son with the robe; a robe of righteousness, if you will. God’s love covers His Son…and it covers us too. “For what can separate us from the Love Of God? Who can separate us from the Love Of Christ?” although there are some that might try in their attempt to separate us from that love, no one and nothing can.
God loves His son because of His obedience, even unto the death on the cross. And Jesus is awarded accordingly with a name above all that at the very sound of it all tongues will confess and everything in Heaven and on Earth and under the earth will declare, “Jesus is Lord” (Philippians 2:8-11).
Nevertheless, some might say that God is playing loosey-goosey with the law if this is true. We must remember that it is His law and He can do whatever He wants to with it and it will still be called fair and just. But I think we often forget that His heart is that of a Father’s who will do everything within the law to make matters right. And that’s what He did, covered His Son. It should be mentioned - what loving father wouldn’t clothe their child in dire need?
Nothing further was said about my nakedness that morning.
Dad,…you handed me back my dignity and covered me with your love. And I love you for it.
Your son
Remember that morning about twenty years ago? I can’t really give an answer to as why I was thinking of that particular morning, but something was stirring in my memory and well, for the events that took place on that morning – I just wanted to say that it was the first time in my adult life that I saw the love you had for me.
Anyway, I had awakened between four and four thirty in the a.m., with a full bladder rapping ever so softly against my abdomen. I went to roll over so I could get out of bed, when I noticed that I had weakness in my legs and upper torso; the reason for this weakness was that my potassium was bottoming out. I’ve been in this situation before. Well, not necessarily having to go the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning, but having low potassium. I needed to come up with a plan, because the more I waited, the tighter my bladder was getting.
I thought I had enough strength to answer the call of the commode but how to get there? The idea that I conjured up was…well, all I can say now is best laid plans of mice and men, but I thought if I could push myself up in a standing position I could manage my way to the bathroom and answer the call so to speak. Then, I could deal with the loss of vital minerals that my body was in dire need of.
On the count of “three”, I was going to rise up and make my move. Suffice to say, on “three”, I fell out of the bed, flat on my face. There I was naked, lying on my belly, full bladder no longer gently rapping on my abdomen, but getting ready to burst forth like a pressurize fire hose, and I couldn’t move. I had to do something.
I was not in the best situations and if nothing would happen in the next few minutes, I would quite literally be in hot water… well, warm water at least and a wet carpet. And I must confess, I have started off on better mornings than this; so has my Dad. So when I shouted for help, it was Dad that saw me first.
“Jamie?” Dad said. “Jamie, are you awake?” I had later found out that Dad thought maybe I had a nightmare and fell out of bed.
“Yeah,” I said somewhat embarrassed by my predicament. “I’m awake.”
“What’s the matter then?”
“My potassium is low and I can’t move.”
By this time, Mom had joined the pre-dawn escapades and asked me - “If you couldn’t move, then why did you get out of bed?”
“I don’t know. I thought I could make it to the bathroom.”
Dad then asked if I could rise up on my fours and he will try to toss me back on the bed. When you’re naked and can’t move, your options quickly become narrowed. He tossed me back into bed like a sack of potatoes. And with a slap on the bare butt, he then pulled the covers back over me and then left me to go get a Mason jar.
Needless to say, I was deeply embarrassed. Men aren’t supposed to look on each other nakedness for the shame it might bring. And being how one may sleep at night, meaning the lack of nightclothes, you still have a blanket to hide your body. But being exposed as I was, Dad, didn’t do anything that would further my shame and humiliation. In fact, he did everything that he could to cover my predicament.
All this being what it is, a naked son calling on his pop for help and the father restoring the son’s self-respect, reminds me of two sons that help save their father’s dignity. In the book “The View From Mount Calvary” by John Phillips, Phillips uses the story found in Genesis 9:23 to demonstrate what actually happened when Christ took on the sins of the world and shame was put on Him.
After Noah had one night of celebrating the harvest of the vineyard, he passed out in his tent in a drunken slumber and during the night, had become uncovered. One of his sons, Ham, looked into his father’s tent and saw his father’s disgrace. The Bible isn’t clear as of what was said to Shem and Japheth, Ham’s brothers, all that is known is that when they were told about their father’s defilement, they took matters into their own hands and saved their father’s modesty. They walked backwards into their father’s tent, not looking upon their father’s nakedness, with robe in hand, and covered his humiliation.
Now, fast-forward a few thousands of years and we see a man who happens to be a son stripped naked, while the accumulative sins of the world are heaped on him. The man happens to be the Son of God and what is taking place is the apex of his life mission – “behold, the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world” (John 1:29). So the problem arises - because God is a holy and just deity, He cannot look upon sin, so how can God, who loves His Son very much, look upon him when the totality of sins that mankind have done and will do are cast on Him?
Jesus is separated from God for the first time in His life (Mathew 27:46, Mark 15:34). It is as if God turns His back to His beloved Son. However, God may show His back towards His Son, but in so doing, He picks up a robe, figuratively speaking, and proceeds to walks backwards towards the cross, not looking upon the sins that are now covering His son, and covers His Son with the robe; a robe of righteousness, if you will. God’s love covers His Son…and it covers us too. “For what can separate us from the Love Of God? Who can separate us from the Love Of Christ?” although there are some that might try in their attempt to separate us from that love, no one and nothing can.
God loves His son because of His obedience, even unto the death on the cross. And Jesus is awarded accordingly with a name above all that at the very sound of it all tongues will confess and everything in Heaven and on Earth and under the earth will declare, “Jesus is Lord” (Philippians 2:8-11).
Nevertheless, some might say that God is playing loosey-goosey with the law if this is true. We must remember that it is His law and He can do whatever He wants to with it and it will still be called fair and just. But I think we often forget that His heart is that of a Father’s who will do everything within the law to make matters right. And that’s what He did, covered His Son. It should be mentioned - what loving father wouldn’t clothe their child in dire need?
Nothing further was said about my nakedness that morning.
Dad,…you handed me back my dignity and covered me with your love. And I love you for it.
Your son
The True Taste Of Freedom
I asked a dumb question the other night at work. It was dumb because in some respect it revealed how snobbish I can be, while suffering from the dreaded disease of all blowhards, Braggadocios. And as for most braggarts go, the more they talk, the more they show, just how little they actually know. My friend who gave me the answer to my dumb question was kind enough and gracious enough not to let my foolishness get in the way of some real clear understanding.
My friend is a young man from Burma. (Recently, the major rail line I work for has hired quite a few men from Burma.) I found out from my friend that Burma is controlled by a military regime. It's been that way for the last forty odd years. And as most tyrannical governments are, they don't take to kindly to criticisms of the way they run their business. In fact, the way they deal with complaints is either prison or the firing squad.
So this American, who has had some infinitesimal education in the ways of the world, asks – "So what type of government is it, communist, fascist, socialist?"
Then came the response that snap me back into the realities that my friend's fellow countrymen are currently living in. "Who cares what political ideology is in office, good and innocent people are being killed for wanting to be free!"
I tell you, as an American, I was ashamed. I was ashamed for being naïve thinking that political ideologies whatever they might be are better than the next. My friend is correct. When the government is killing their own decent and innocent people for the simplest of reasons; wanting to be free, then the governing political system is wrong and needs to be changed if people's survival of that country is to endure.
I was further ashamed in that the freedom that these good people want is nothing more than just a hollow word to me. But how have I forgotten what freedom is? I can remember the joy I felt as the protests were taking place in Tiananmen Square of the late eighties. It was the youth that were taking hold of what our forefathers taught and believed and were willing to live it out. I can remember smiling at the fantastic scenes of the Berlin Wall collapsing under the power of all kinds of hammers - ball peen, jackhammer and sledgehammers. Furthermore all in the name of freedom and all done by people yearning to be free. When my Father's generation liberated France, Italy, Germany, Japan, Philippines and the entire south pacific from evil political philosophies, the indigenous people rejoice at the coming of their liberators for they knew freedom was at hand.
So why did I miss this question? I think it has to do with the current status that we find ourselves in here in the states. When dealing with world matters, or so it seems, for us and our feeble minds, its turn to an us vs. them, red vs. blue, Dems vs. Republicans. If we're having disagreements and stalemates in government, it's always the opposition fault. Some wanna-be political office seeker might think when posed a question of a core issue such as freedom and democracy is, "How does it play in Iowa?" or some one else might think, if they have an original opinion on liberating an oppressed people somewhere on the planet, "If I lean in this direction how will the polls interrupt this?" So when I hear that a government is acting very poorly against its own people, I start looking for an excuse to blame the opposition. I do what we do best in this country; you exploit people just to prove your point. I sometimes get so disgusted with politicians!
Our elected officials often hear about real trouble facing freedom seeking people in the world or how a despot is wrecking havoc with its people and when asked about it, they give it a thirty second lip service job saying – "I'm glad you asked, by the way…I've got a plan" but it never deals with the core issue of freedom and democracy; two foundational tenets that we established our government and way of life on. Imagine, what we Americans bring to the world table, freedom, and our elected heroes back away from the subject like Superman from Kryptonite. How is it that the people we send to draw up our laws underestimate freedom's power?
The more I read, the more I understand; that freedom is found in every heart of every person here on earth. And that this freedom that we all desire has a religious tone to it – a universal axiom, if you will, that all mankind has a right to and if anyone government tries to suppress it, it should be considered a most grievous crime.
Freedom trumps all ideologies. In fact, all ideologies should have freedom as their ultimate goal. But they don't. All religions should have freedom as their ultimate goal. But they don't. I'm connecting the two because I believe that God and His glorious wisdom and insight into the human heart, has planted the seed of freedom. A freedom that means not being mastered by oppression as in sin, tyranny as in evil personified; but a freedom that is light to carry and security from all fears. Perhaps I just described what the dynamics of Heaven would be.
My friend and fellow co-workers have tasted the freedoms that we offer to the world. Per chance, they have enough of a fill to bring the people of Burma to the table of freedom and let them dine on its delights.
Pray for the people of Burma.
Pray for freedom wherever it finds a home.
My friend is a young man from Burma. (Recently, the major rail line I work for has hired quite a few men from Burma.) I found out from my friend that Burma is controlled by a military regime. It's been that way for the last forty odd years. And as most tyrannical governments are, they don't take to kindly to criticisms of the way they run their business. In fact, the way they deal with complaints is either prison or the firing squad.
So this American, who has had some infinitesimal education in the ways of the world, asks – "So what type of government is it, communist, fascist, socialist?"
Then came the response that snap me back into the realities that my friend's fellow countrymen are currently living in. "Who cares what political ideology is in office, good and innocent people are being killed for wanting to be free!"
I tell you, as an American, I was ashamed. I was ashamed for being naïve thinking that political ideologies whatever they might be are better than the next. My friend is correct. When the government is killing their own decent and innocent people for the simplest of reasons; wanting to be free, then the governing political system is wrong and needs to be changed if people's survival of that country is to endure.
I was further ashamed in that the freedom that these good people want is nothing more than just a hollow word to me. But how have I forgotten what freedom is? I can remember the joy I felt as the protests were taking place in Tiananmen Square of the late eighties. It was the youth that were taking hold of what our forefathers taught and believed and were willing to live it out. I can remember smiling at the fantastic scenes of the Berlin Wall collapsing under the power of all kinds of hammers - ball peen, jackhammer and sledgehammers. Furthermore all in the name of freedom and all done by people yearning to be free. When my Father's generation liberated France, Italy, Germany, Japan, Philippines and the entire south pacific from evil political philosophies, the indigenous people rejoice at the coming of their liberators for they knew freedom was at hand.
So why did I miss this question? I think it has to do with the current status that we find ourselves in here in the states. When dealing with world matters, or so it seems, for us and our feeble minds, its turn to an us vs. them, red vs. blue, Dems vs. Republicans. If we're having disagreements and stalemates in government, it's always the opposition fault. Some wanna-be political office seeker might think when posed a question of a core issue such as freedom and democracy is, "How does it play in Iowa?" or some one else might think, if they have an original opinion on liberating an oppressed people somewhere on the planet, "If I lean in this direction how will the polls interrupt this?" So when I hear that a government is acting very poorly against its own people, I start looking for an excuse to blame the opposition. I do what we do best in this country; you exploit people just to prove your point. I sometimes get so disgusted with politicians!
Our elected officials often hear about real trouble facing freedom seeking people in the world or how a despot is wrecking havoc with its people and when asked about it, they give it a thirty second lip service job saying – "I'm glad you asked, by the way…I've got a plan" but it never deals with the core issue of freedom and democracy; two foundational tenets that we established our government and way of life on. Imagine, what we Americans bring to the world table, freedom, and our elected heroes back away from the subject like Superman from Kryptonite. How is it that the people we send to draw up our laws underestimate freedom's power?
The more I read, the more I understand; that freedom is found in every heart of every person here on earth. And that this freedom that we all desire has a religious tone to it – a universal axiom, if you will, that all mankind has a right to and if anyone government tries to suppress it, it should be considered a most grievous crime.
Freedom trumps all ideologies. In fact, all ideologies should have freedom as their ultimate goal. But they don't. All religions should have freedom as their ultimate goal. But they don't. I'm connecting the two because I believe that God and His glorious wisdom and insight into the human heart, has planted the seed of freedom. A freedom that means not being mastered by oppression as in sin, tyranny as in evil personified; but a freedom that is light to carry and security from all fears. Perhaps I just described what the dynamics of Heaven would be.
My friend and fellow co-workers have tasted the freedoms that we offer to the world. Per chance, they have enough of a fill to bring the people of Burma to the table of freedom and let them dine on its delights.
Pray for the people of Burma.
Pray for freedom wherever it finds a home.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Here Comes Da' Judge
I was talking with a friend at work. The subject of horoscopes came up, and he being a Christian, made a statement that made me questioned his take on the subject. He stated that the woman he is now dating sure does act like a Sagittarius because he has known several Sagittarians and they all act alike.
My reply was – “why are you listening to the stars about your life, shouldn’t you be listening to the star maker?”
The question stopped him in mid sentence – “What do you mean? I just read it for entertainment purposes.”
“Well, you just said that she acts like all other Sagittarians that you’ve known…tells me that it might be more than entertainment purposes, that’s all”
“Well, then, don’t you find it fascinating that the stars could tell you how someone behaves?”
“No. I find it more fascinating that a God is more concern with my life then He is about nature.”
The reply was classic and in fact, it made me smile, “You’re taking this to a whole different level than where I want it to go.”
Notice that I didn’t send him off to Hell for reading horoscopes nor I didn’t stop fellowshipping with him; I didn’t even bring embarrassment or shame to him. All I did was made him think of his action, that’s all I was there to do, to have my dear friend think through this issue.
I couldn’t judge this brother for what he was doing for the simple reason that I’ve done stuff too that the Lord would have given me a second look for. I merely questioned this friend on a particular issue that as a follower of Jesus Christ, it should be looked at again. In other words, Jesus, if face with this situation, wouldn’t have condemn my friend, so why should I? Nevertheless, there’ll be some individuals who would see me as judging this person and that is what is bothering me.
It’s my opinion, but too many people use “judge not, and you won’t be judged” and have no real clue of what it means. That is to say, they use it to either hurt others or get others to shut up when all they are doing is pointing out something that is questionable, or even give them permission to judge the people who are offending them. And God forbid if they get caught in a sin, for they quote this line as if it vidicates the sin.
Anyway, the Lord didn’t mean to have His words used to abuse people when He spoke them some two millenniums ago.(a side note: I believe that this is what causes the most greif for Jesus. After twenty centuries, people still don’t get Jesus and who He is and somehow feel it’s their sacred duty to used the Lord’s words to beat up or shame weaker individuals or groups)
When Jesus spoke these words so many centuries ago, He wanted us not to make hasty decisions, especially when it comes to people. For if we judge someone rather harshly, whose to say that we won’t be handed the same treatment? I guess it comes down to what goes around comes around; so choose to apporach someone extending all the grace and mercy we can dish out. Wouldn’t we want the same shown to us on a particular bad day?
I have chosen to live my life with a God centered reality – everything is answerable to God, my actions, my words, my thoughts, my motives as perverted as they sometimes are, (of course all under the umbrella of His mercy and grace; I’m not much into wearing a hair shirt and I don’t see the point of self flogging when I don’t measure up to my standards.) So when someone accuses me of being judgemental, it goes to the core of me…it should go to the core of any Christian as well who is accused of such actions. I want my Father to judge me, not Ted down the street, although Ted down the street maybe a witness at my trial to testify whether or not I’m living as a Christian should live, whatever that may be. It’s my Father who I want to please, not out of duty, but out of love. But in using this as a motive for my actions, I may offend someone because their action may offend the Spirit and I may be the vessel at that time to raise a concern so that’s why I need to cling to mercy and grace and be wise with my words, and not to bring dishonor to the Father through an impatient tongue.
Having all said that, why do we often put ourselves in the saddle of a moral high horse and feel that we can judge anyone we want to? Is it because we feel that we have some sacred duty to our religion to ridicule and shame some brother or sister? Could it be that we’re not understanding what is being said when they speak? Why must we make some rash and hurtful decisions? From a personal outlook, I know this; sitting atop of a horse that stands eight feet at the shoulder, is a long way to fall – I know, I’ve been there many a times, that’s why I try my darndest to saddle up a Shetland pony!
I close with this, in the Book of James, the author tells us of the importance of controling the tongue. If we are using the tongue to show how religious we are, then are we following the example given by the prophet Micah – are we loving mercy? Are we acting justly? Are we walking humbly with God? From the Book of James, are we tending to the orphans and widows? Are we keeping ourselves clean from what the filth the world hurls at us? Or do we want to point out someone’s elses shame that may not be at the same undrstanding that we’re at?
Discretion of words is better than fluancy of speech, so choose wisely friends, the words of your heart so that God gets the glory and no one is hurt with petualnt decisions.
My reply was – “why are you listening to the stars about your life, shouldn’t you be listening to the star maker?”
The question stopped him in mid sentence – “What do you mean? I just read it for entertainment purposes.”
“Well, you just said that she acts like all other Sagittarians that you’ve known…tells me that it might be more than entertainment purposes, that’s all”
“Well, then, don’t you find it fascinating that the stars could tell you how someone behaves?”
“No. I find it more fascinating that a God is more concern with my life then He is about nature.”
The reply was classic and in fact, it made me smile, “You’re taking this to a whole different level than where I want it to go.”
Notice that I didn’t send him off to Hell for reading horoscopes nor I didn’t stop fellowshipping with him; I didn’t even bring embarrassment or shame to him. All I did was made him think of his action, that’s all I was there to do, to have my dear friend think through this issue.
I couldn’t judge this brother for what he was doing for the simple reason that I’ve done stuff too that the Lord would have given me a second look for. I merely questioned this friend on a particular issue that as a follower of Jesus Christ, it should be looked at again. In other words, Jesus, if face with this situation, wouldn’t have condemn my friend, so why should I? Nevertheless, there’ll be some individuals who would see me as judging this person and that is what is bothering me.
It’s my opinion, but too many people use “judge not, and you won’t be judged” and have no real clue of what it means. That is to say, they use it to either hurt others or get others to shut up when all they are doing is pointing out something that is questionable, or even give them permission to judge the people who are offending them. And God forbid if they get caught in a sin, for they quote this line as if it vidicates the sin.
Anyway, the Lord didn’t mean to have His words used to abuse people when He spoke them some two millenniums ago.(a side note: I believe that this is what causes the most greif for Jesus. After twenty centuries, people still don’t get Jesus and who He is and somehow feel it’s their sacred duty to used the Lord’s words to beat up or shame weaker individuals or groups)
When Jesus spoke these words so many centuries ago, He wanted us not to make hasty decisions, especially when it comes to people. For if we judge someone rather harshly, whose to say that we won’t be handed the same treatment? I guess it comes down to what goes around comes around; so choose to apporach someone extending all the grace and mercy we can dish out. Wouldn’t we want the same shown to us on a particular bad day?
I have chosen to live my life with a God centered reality – everything is answerable to God, my actions, my words, my thoughts, my motives as perverted as they sometimes are, (of course all under the umbrella of His mercy and grace; I’m not much into wearing a hair shirt and I don’t see the point of self flogging when I don’t measure up to my standards.) So when someone accuses me of being judgemental, it goes to the core of me…it should go to the core of any Christian as well who is accused of such actions. I want my Father to judge me, not Ted down the street, although Ted down the street maybe a witness at my trial to testify whether or not I’m living as a Christian should live, whatever that may be. It’s my Father who I want to please, not out of duty, but out of love. But in using this as a motive for my actions, I may offend someone because their action may offend the Spirit and I may be the vessel at that time to raise a concern so that’s why I need to cling to mercy and grace and be wise with my words, and not to bring dishonor to the Father through an impatient tongue.
Having all said that, why do we often put ourselves in the saddle of a moral high horse and feel that we can judge anyone we want to? Is it because we feel that we have some sacred duty to our religion to ridicule and shame some brother or sister? Could it be that we’re not understanding what is being said when they speak? Why must we make some rash and hurtful decisions? From a personal outlook, I know this; sitting atop of a horse that stands eight feet at the shoulder, is a long way to fall – I know, I’ve been there many a times, that’s why I try my darndest to saddle up a Shetland pony!
I close with this, in the Book of James, the author tells us of the importance of controling the tongue. If we are using the tongue to show how religious we are, then are we following the example given by the prophet Micah – are we loving mercy? Are we acting justly? Are we walking humbly with God? From the Book of James, are we tending to the orphans and widows? Are we keeping ourselves clean from what the filth the world hurls at us? Or do we want to point out someone’s elses shame that may not be at the same undrstanding that we’re at?
Discretion of words is better than fluancy of speech, so choose wisely friends, the words of your heart so that God gets the glory and no one is hurt with petualnt decisions.
My Last Day On Planet Earth
What would you do, if you knew that today was your last day on earth? It’s the proverbial old question that can be answered in so many different ways. A lot of people will probably choose to run up all their credit cards, leaving the debt to be paid off by the heirs. Still others would want to do all type of earthly pleasures; not necessarily sinning, although it may border on sin, but doing things that they haven’t done since before today – sky diving or seeing the bottom of the ocean floor or wrestling with wild animals comes to mind. In other words, living like there is no tomorrow. So I return to the original question - what would you do if you knew that today was your last day on earth?
I was in the hospital when I woke up in the midst of a storm; a panic storm. Something dreadful would happen to me by the end of the day, I just knew it. Like bones aching when the temperature changes and you’ll know that a storm’s a comin’ or animals heading to higher ground in the anticipation of a flood. I knew that this would be my last day on earth and all I knew at that moment when the realization set in, was that I wanted was to spend it with loved ones. I also wanted to put things in order, sort of wrap up final thoughts and deeds as it were. But I was trapped in a hospital bed and I really couldn’t get free and tell people about the gospel that can save us.
I always had an idea of what my purpose was on this earth and now that I was on my deathbed, or so I thought, I was cognizant of the fact that I didn’t live it to the best of my ability. I was caught up in what I did, not with who I am. I was worried that my deeds weren’t good enough to please my Father in Heaven. Then the thought hit me – “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.*”
I believe that I am saved through the sacrifice that Jesus did on the cross and it was good enough to please the Father. I also believe that we have been brought back into a right relationship with the Father and we are sealed with Him because of the works that Jesus did on the cross. So why am I worrying about my measly attempts of good deeds for salvation? Could it be that I may insult the one who truly loves me as I am?
It is my opinion, but I think that the most terrifying statement in the Bible is this – “Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'*”
If we are doing things to please our Lord merely to get power from His name, I think we are missing the boat and we are in danger of soiling His good name. However, if we listen to the words of the Holy Spirit and obey them, great things will happen; mostly, the promise of salvation from the Father will go out to the recipient (and we take joy in that because we are the vessels He uses to do His work.) There is cause for great celebration because our family just grew.
By getting caught up in works, we focus our thoughts on us and we can’t see others in desperate need of saving, due to the plank in our own eye. That’s it! We become judgmental and we are more apt to condemn someone who the Lord is trying to save. In other words, we’re not presenting His gospel; we’re presenting ours. We’re trying to get the glory at Christ’s expense when it should be Jesus that gets the glory for the things He has done for our benefit. I mean, when you think about it, one player may do an incredible act to win the game, but it is the whole team that celebrates the win. So why not just rejoice in the gift of salvation and stop worrying about doing great things by our own power or borrowed power as it were?
I had a number of things that happened to me on that dreadful day. Blood chemicals were out of balance, which brought on the attack. I had never had a panic attack before and I hope I will never have another.
But a positive thing came out of that day - a better way to present the gospel of peace, the gospel that can save us. I can place His gospel on the front door of someone’s heart and walk away knowing that I did what I was told to do. My legacy is not how many people get saved through my testimony or deeds of good faith, but that I was obedient to the Spirit.
*Scripture References Eph. 2:8-9 and Matt. 7:22-23, respectfully
I was in the hospital when I woke up in the midst of a storm; a panic storm. Something dreadful would happen to me by the end of the day, I just knew it. Like bones aching when the temperature changes and you’ll know that a storm’s a comin’ or animals heading to higher ground in the anticipation of a flood. I knew that this would be my last day on earth and all I knew at that moment when the realization set in, was that I wanted was to spend it with loved ones. I also wanted to put things in order, sort of wrap up final thoughts and deeds as it were. But I was trapped in a hospital bed and I really couldn’t get free and tell people about the gospel that can save us.
I always had an idea of what my purpose was on this earth and now that I was on my deathbed, or so I thought, I was cognizant of the fact that I didn’t live it to the best of my ability. I was caught up in what I did, not with who I am. I was worried that my deeds weren’t good enough to please my Father in Heaven. Then the thought hit me – “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.*”
I believe that I am saved through the sacrifice that Jesus did on the cross and it was good enough to please the Father. I also believe that we have been brought back into a right relationship with the Father and we are sealed with Him because of the works that Jesus did on the cross. So why am I worrying about my measly attempts of good deeds for salvation? Could it be that I may insult the one who truly loves me as I am?
It is my opinion, but I think that the most terrifying statement in the Bible is this – “Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'*”
If we are doing things to please our Lord merely to get power from His name, I think we are missing the boat and we are in danger of soiling His good name. However, if we listen to the words of the Holy Spirit and obey them, great things will happen; mostly, the promise of salvation from the Father will go out to the recipient (and we take joy in that because we are the vessels He uses to do His work.) There is cause for great celebration because our family just grew.
By getting caught up in works, we focus our thoughts on us and we can’t see others in desperate need of saving, due to the plank in our own eye. That’s it! We become judgmental and we are more apt to condemn someone who the Lord is trying to save. In other words, we’re not presenting His gospel; we’re presenting ours. We’re trying to get the glory at Christ’s expense when it should be Jesus that gets the glory for the things He has done for our benefit. I mean, when you think about it, one player may do an incredible act to win the game, but it is the whole team that celebrates the win. So why not just rejoice in the gift of salvation and stop worrying about doing great things by our own power or borrowed power as it were?
I had a number of things that happened to me on that dreadful day. Blood chemicals were out of balance, which brought on the attack. I had never had a panic attack before and I hope I will never have another.
But a positive thing came out of that day - a better way to present the gospel of peace, the gospel that can save us. I can place His gospel on the front door of someone’s heart and walk away knowing that I did what I was told to do. My legacy is not how many people get saved through my testimony or deeds of good faith, but that I was obedient to the Spirit.
*Scripture References Eph. 2:8-9 and Matt. 7:22-23, respectfully
Nothing In common
(The names have been changed to protect my sorry butt from any legal action, but you know who you are)
You know, it’s odd what a middle aged man finds to be the true definition of love. It’s so different than what it was twenty-five years ago, thirty years ago, or even forty years ago. I suppose that twenty years from now, I will have added more meanings to the word, as well as many more different facets of love than what I know of it’s depth at this time in my life.
Looking back on what little knowledge I had at that time, twenty-five years ago that is, it was all tied up with how many damsels you could lance with your personal epee. And although I never did get caught up in too much of this physical expression of lust, er, love, I did have my moments. Thirty years ago, while in high school, love meant to me that if you saw a girl and asked her out and she said yes, than that was a sure sign of true love. And forty years ago, you knew it was love in elementary school, when a certain girl would clobber you on the playground and then run away giggling, while you looked dazed and confused at that little whirlwind that tattooed your arm. Ah, to be that innocent again.
I thought it was love, I really did. I suppose that may be one of the reasons why some people do the things they do. But what I thought was love, was only infatuation; Eileen was pretty and although there was some depth to her being, I soon found out that there wasn’t much else there; we had nothing in common.
I met Eileen at the church I was working as a youth pastor. I don’t know why I didn’t heed the advice of a good friend that told me several years prior to this, “Never date someone from your own congregation.” The reason is, if a break up occurs and it becomes hostile, it will affect the life of a church and that is a very bad thing.
I was seeing someone else at the time of all of this, and the kids I was charged with never met Kate; I suppose that was a good thing, meaning that I never exposed that side of my life to those kids. I had built a good relationship with Kate although there were some great unknowns that never got resolved, and we got caught up into some sexual situations, which, as two devoted unmarried Christians, is never a good thing. But a fool only sees what’s in front of him. I pursued Kate; Eileen, on the other hand, pursued me. I was flattered. Even though Kate and I had a good thing going, there were some things misplaced in our relationship, so when Eileen pursued me, I thought it was an escape route and I fell hard and fast. Oh how wrong that thinking was.
Two things happened at first. The first was that Eileen told me that she had had some problems dealing with stress. OK, I could handle that, I thought. I didn’t follow up with “what kind of problems;” I was in love, she was cute...we could work it out. Problem was that she really couldn’t connect with people. I know that now, but back then…
The other problem was that she was very kissable, which happens a lot during the first days of any dating relationship, but getting caught up in the early stages of romance started affecting the lives of the kids I was charged with. My priorities got jostled. I was there for several reasons - to guide young minds to a saving knowledge of Christ, to build lasting friendships, and to help lead Sunday services. What I did was wreck the trust that I had established with the group and some friendships were lost early on. I never really was able to reestablish their trust, and that hurt. I not only lost trust in the kids but I let down parents, the senior pastor, myself, but most importantly, I feel, I let down God.
I didn’t lose my job over this relationship; my agreement with the church came to an end. I started working with the church in December of 1985 and left in June of 1986 after graduating from college. Throughout that summer, Eileen and I continued to see each other. But as summer came to a close, things were changing between her and I. The relationship died in September.
I did everything I could to keep the relationship going, but try as I might; the signs were all there. It was dying a slow and lingering death. The main problem was that Eileen was enamored with an image of who she thought I was. She liked the idea that I was a moral and honorable man. However, that idea died shortly after we started going together. What did I want? I just wanted to be liked.
So what’s the point to all of this? What could be the purpose of retracing a middle aged man’s love life of twenty years ago, other than to say that I had a pretty good relationship with Kate, traded it for something that I thought was there and by the end of the summer, I had nothing; I had no job, I had no Kate and I had no Eileen. I chased after the wrong thing and I had nothing left to show for it. Ah, but there is a lesson. A lesson on what it is to give and to love.
During our relationship, I had given Eileen a gift. It was a sweatshirt that had her name spelled on it in an unconventional way (remember names have been changed.) She liked it; at least she told me that she liked it. When the relationship finally broke up on the rocks of reality, she asked me how much I paid for the shirt. I told her it was a gift, I’m not requiring her to reimburse me; it was from my heart to hers. She insisted that she needed to repay me for the gift. I felt so insulted by her words that day. I kept saying – “You don’t owe me anything”. She wasn’t buying it. For some strange reason that to this day only she knows, she needed to be free and clear of all ties with me, I suppose for that matter, with all people that had come into her life. She kept hounding me until I couldn’t stand it any longer, and I quoted her a price. I prostituted myself that day. For a measly twenty bucks, I sold my love.
Out of all the events and dates that happened that summer, this is the thing that left its mark. And yet it is also a valuable lesson on the gift that the Lord has offered us through His love – salvation.
For by grace you have been saved through faith:
and not that of yourselves,
it is a gift from God
not as a result of works,
so that no one may boast
Ephesians 2:8-9
The lesson learned was how could we put a price on salvation? We can’t. And even if we could, it would be insulting to God and it would cheapen Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. There’s nothing we can, I repeat can, do that will repay God for what he did on the cross in human form. It was He, through the purest of motives, love, which gave us freedom from our sins and reconciliation with Him.
All the more, why do we throw a Bronx cheer to God with our measly tokens of good works, thinking it will please Him? Why do we ridicule Him by insisting on doing it our way? I think it may come down to a simple case of jealousy. Because His love is purer than gold. His love is more beautiful than the most exquisite diamond. His love is never ending; it’s unconditional. He is the very nature of love because He is love. (1 John 4:8) Our love fall so short of the love that is His. I believe that is where the jealousy comes from – our wanting to be God-like and realizing that we’re not.
When we accept God’s gift, in a way, we have something in common with Him, namely fellowship. When we fight Him, we become diametrically opposed to Him and we end up spinning our wheels in the muck and mire that is known as our lives.
In no way am I trying to equate my gift to that of the priceless gift of salvation. The point here is a gift is a gift. I tried to give something that was from my heart, with no strings attached, that I thought she would enjoy for the next few years or until the shirt frayed or she outgrew it. I never intended to be reimbursed for the effort that went into it. Nevertheless, my love took a major blow and any affection I had left for her died that day. God on the other hand, even though we may reject His offer, still stands by offering us His love. And even if we go to our graves rejecting His offer, He will still love us.
That’s the lesson of love that I have learned. Give everything with love attached to it and never, never accept payment for the gift, because you end up cheapening your love. In other words, love is priceless.
So what happened to Kate and Eileen? Kate and I eventually got back together a few months after Eileen and I had broken up. We stayed together for another year and half and when I did ask Kate to marry me, she turned me down. I met Judy three years later and she showed me a whole different side of love and with her my love has deepened so much more. We have been married for fifteen years and still adore each other. I do not know what has happened to Eileen since the break up. All I know is that while we were together, we had nothing in common.
You know, it’s odd what a middle aged man finds to be the true definition of love. It’s so different than what it was twenty-five years ago, thirty years ago, or even forty years ago. I suppose that twenty years from now, I will have added more meanings to the word, as well as many more different facets of love than what I know of it’s depth at this time in my life.
Looking back on what little knowledge I had at that time, twenty-five years ago that is, it was all tied up with how many damsels you could lance with your personal epee. And although I never did get caught up in too much of this physical expression of lust, er, love, I did have my moments. Thirty years ago, while in high school, love meant to me that if you saw a girl and asked her out and she said yes, than that was a sure sign of true love. And forty years ago, you knew it was love in elementary school, when a certain girl would clobber you on the playground and then run away giggling, while you looked dazed and confused at that little whirlwind that tattooed your arm. Ah, to be that innocent again.
I thought it was love, I really did. I suppose that may be one of the reasons why some people do the things they do. But what I thought was love, was only infatuation; Eileen was pretty and although there was some depth to her being, I soon found out that there wasn’t much else there; we had nothing in common.
I met Eileen at the church I was working as a youth pastor. I don’t know why I didn’t heed the advice of a good friend that told me several years prior to this, “Never date someone from your own congregation.” The reason is, if a break up occurs and it becomes hostile, it will affect the life of a church and that is a very bad thing.
I was seeing someone else at the time of all of this, and the kids I was charged with never met Kate; I suppose that was a good thing, meaning that I never exposed that side of my life to those kids. I had built a good relationship with Kate although there were some great unknowns that never got resolved, and we got caught up into some sexual situations, which, as two devoted unmarried Christians, is never a good thing. But a fool only sees what’s in front of him. I pursued Kate; Eileen, on the other hand, pursued me. I was flattered. Even though Kate and I had a good thing going, there were some things misplaced in our relationship, so when Eileen pursued me, I thought it was an escape route and I fell hard and fast. Oh how wrong that thinking was.
Two things happened at first. The first was that Eileen told me that she had had some problems dealing with stress. OK, I could handle that, I thought. I didn’t follow up with “what kind of problems;” I was in love, she was cute...we could work it out. Problem was that she really couldn’t connect with people. I know that now, but back then…
The other problem was that she was very kissable, which happens a lot during the first days of any dating relationship, but getting caught up in the early stages of romance started affecting the lives of the kids I was charged with. My priorities got jostled. I was there for several reasons - to guide young minds to a saving knowledge of Christ, to build lasting friendships, and to help lead Sunday services. What I did was wreck the trust that I had established with the group and some friendships were lost early on. I never really was able to reestablish their trust, and that hurt. I not only lost trust in the kids but I let down parents, the senior pastor, myself, but most importantly, I feel, I let down God.
I didn’t lose my job over this relationship; my agreement with the church came to an end. I started working with the church in December of 1985 and left in June of 1986 after graduating from college. Throughout that summer, Eileen and I continued to see each other. But as summer came to a close, things were changing between her and I. The relationship died in September.
I did everything I could to keep the relationship going, but try as I might; the signs were all there. It was dying a slow and lingering death. The main problem was that Eileen was enamored with an image of who she thought I was. She liked the idea that I was a moral and honorable man. However, that idea died shortly after we started going together. What did I want? I just wanted to be liked.
So what’s the point to all of this? What could be the purpose of retracing a middle aged man’s love life of twenty years ago, other than to say that I had a pretty good relationship with Kate, traded it for something that I thought was there and by the end of the summer, I had nothing; I had no job, I had no Kate and I had no Eileen. I chased after the wrong thing and I had nothing left to show for it. Ah, but there is a lesson. A lesson on what it is to give and to love.
During our relationship, I had given Eileen a gift. It was a sweatshirt that had her name spelled on it in an unconventional way (remember names have been changed.) She liked it; at least she told me that she liked it. When the relationship finally broke up on the rocks of reality, she asked me how much I paid for the shirt. I told her it was a gift, I’m not requiring her to reimburse me; it was from my heart to hers. She insisted that she needed to repay me for the gift. I felt so insulted by her words that day. I kept saying – “You don’t owe me anything”. She wasn’t buying it. For some strange reason that to this day only she knows, she needed to be free and clear of all ties with me, I suppose for that matter, with all people that had come into her life. She kept hounding me until I couldn’t stand it any longer, and I quoted her a price. I prostituted myself that day. For a measly twenty bucks, I sold my love.
Out of all the events and dates that happened that summer, this is the thing that left its mark. And yet it is also a valuable lesson on the gift that the Lord has offered us through His love – salvation.
For by grace you have been saved through faith:
and not that of yourselves,
it is a gift from God
not as a result of works,
so that no one may boast
Ephesians 2:8-9
The lesson learned was how could we put a price on salvation? We can’t. And even if we could, it would be insulting to God and it would cheapen Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. There’s nothing we can, I repeat can, do that will repay God for what he did on the cross in human form. It was He, through the purest of motives, love, which gave us freedom from our sins and reconciliation with Him.
All the more, why do we throw a Bronx cheer to God with our measly tokens of good works, thinking it will please Him? Why do we ridicule Him by insisting on doing it our way? I think it may come down to a simple case of jealousy. Because His love is purer than gold. His love is more beautiful than the most exquisite diamond. His love is never ending; it’s unconditional. He is the very nature of love because He is love. (1 John 4:8) Our love fall so short of the love that is His. I believe that is where the jealousy comes from – our wanting to be God-like and realizing that we’re not.
When we accept God’s gift, in a way, we have something in common with Him, namely fellowship. When we fight Him, we become diametrically opposed to Him and we end up spinning our wheels in the muck and mire that is known as our lives.
In no way am I trying to equate my gift to that of the priceless gift of salvation. The point here is a gift is a gift. I tried to give something that was from my heart, with no strings attached, that I thought she would enjoy for the next few years or until the shirt frayed or she outgrew it. I never intended to be reimbursed for the effort that went into it. Nevertheless, my love took a major blow and any affection I had left for her died that day. God on the other hand, even though we may reject His offer, still stands by offering us His love. And even if we go to our graves rejecting His offer, He will still love us.
That’s the lesson of love that I have learned. Give everything with love attached to it and never, never accept payment for the gift, because you end up cheapening your love. In other words, love is priceless.
So what happened to Kate and Eileen? Kate and I eventually got back together a few months after Eileen and I had broken up. We stayed together for another year and half and when I did ask Kate to marry me, she turned me down. I met Judy three years later and she showed me a whole different side of love and with her my love has deepened so much more. We have been married for fifteen years and still adore each other. I do not know what has happened to Eileen since the break up. All I know is that while we were together, we had nothing in common.
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